As the clock struck 9 am, I knew she was not going to come. Grumpily I steeled myself to the task ahead: washing piles of dishes and sweeping and mopping the house. I have often tried to understand the basis of the sudden and indefinite leave that mausi (my house help) tends to take ever so often…..
“Bais”(house -help) are an integral part of an Indian household. Witnessing the dynamics between my mother and the maids during my growing up years had conditioned me to be wary of them. I had hoped that I would never have to deal with them myself. For the first 3 years of my married life, this wish had come true. 2 years in the USA and 1 year with my in-laws were comfortably 'Bai-free' for me. But then every party comes to an end: Jayesh and I moved out to live in Mumbai. Even then for the first 2 months I postponed the eventuality. This invariably meant that Jayesh and I had to share the household chores. As all married people know, protracted period of such sharing can lead to unhappiness. Jayesh started cajoling me to keep a bai. This is the conversation that ensued:
Aditi “ I am very uncomfortable at the thought of having someone to work under me”
Jayesh ( who had recently taken up the job as a technical manager): “ Even I was not comfortable initially, but it is not that bad. In life it is important to learn to delegate tasks. You will realise you are less tired and have more time to do all the reading and blogging that you are unable to do.”
Reluctantly, I gave in ……….. Initially, I used to prepare what to tell her, later the tasks were set and I didn’t need to interact much. I avoided giving her any instructions, if I was unhappy with something she did,I simply re -did it after she left. For about a month all was smooth sailing. Then it began: her frequent and unannounced absentism which would last anywhere between 1 - 15 days . It was not the absentism that annoyed me, rather the randomness of it: it could happen anytime for any number of days, unannounced and I would be left in anticipation. I have often tried to ask her reasons for such behaviour. 95% times her pretext is: some distant relative who had a drinking problem has passed away suddenly due to liver failure. In the last 1 year at least 7 people of her extended family members have died of liver cirrhosis. Creativity is not one of her biggest virtues!
All I ask of her is to give me a heads up: while she cannot pre- empt someone’s sudden death (the ingenuity of this excuse), she can definitely give a rough idea of how long she would be away. I’ve requested her to give me a call, even a missed call will do- that doesn’t happen, reason : ‘balance nahin tha’. Okay then can you please receive my calls : no that doesn’t work either, reason: ‘the phone fell in water and the battery is destroyed.’
In a bid to see things from her perspective, Jayesh and I felt that maybe she does what she does because her work is not motivating enough, maybe she doesn’t feel appreciated. Giving her good quality products to work with, keeping all the dishes pre-rinsed and neatly stacked: were attempts to effect change in her motivation levels. This didn’t help one bit. While we were still grappling with her bunking problem we also discovered her habit of selective listening. For example if I tell her: I am going out for the weekend please come to work on Monday morning. She conveniently hears the ‘out for the weekend’ very well but not the ‘come back to work on Monday’ bit. All the managerial tricks I could find in the Harvard business magazine: cajoling, giving incentives, being stern: have failed! Since she is so well known in her community it is not even possible to replace her. No new bai will take this job unless mausi gives the go ahead! It is a stale -mate: take it or leave it!! It is like heads she wins and tails she wins too! I think it is important for women to be able to identify with this feeling. It gives them a taste of their own medicine: makes them feel exactly how their husbands feel most of the times!
http://newseastwest.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/My-Choice.jpg
I have given up trying to tame her in any way now, instead I have tamed my expectations: something I learnt from my mum -in- law. She always tries to see the good in every situation and has lowered expectations of others. So now every-time I have a surprise from mausi: I see it as an opportunity to re-arrange my crockery, do a thorough cleaning of the kitchen shelves and fridge. Doing dishes revives the old singer in me and makes the task enjoyable. It also gives Jayesh and me one more common task to bond over :)
